GOD Data

There has been a lot of talk lately about Big Data. Everybody I know and everybody each of them knows is talking about Big Data. Of course I considered only the people working in information technology because only they matter to the human race as they know what lies in the future. And number two, with the software boom In India you really have a rare chance to come across people outside this industry, let alone mixing with them. Even if we can carve out some time after all the conference calls get over, by the time we raise a toast half of India is already asleep. So thinking about the rest of the mankind is a sheer misuse of valuable facebook time and hence a wastage of internet bandwidth.

Let me ask you a simple question – what is the scope of big data? I am sure even the most die-hard big data fans also do not want to keep or maintain any information about the life and times of the ancient Flintstones or the modern-day Eskimos simply because there is no benefit or business opportunity in mining their data or analysing the pattern there. Sure the Eskimos are an interesting lot, sure they know a little about snow and seals and bears and whales, but till the time you buy something from me or there is any hope of any revenue in the future in even the most distant way, you simply do not exist in my world. So big data seems to have both a chronological as well as a geographical boundary and may not be as big as they want you and me to believe.

So are the Flintstones and the Eskimos not important to anybody at all except their progeny? Not even to their creator? That surely cannot be true! So if that be the case, how do God and St. Peters and the team of database administrators up above there handle such enormous information? Well, that’s what I call “Bigger Data” or simply “GOD Data”, data which neither has a start nor has a beginning. So if you are the designer of this database system, how will you arrange this data through the cycle of lives and places and ages? I bet we should use the souls as the primary key in the master table and create a relationship for all the lives, if you believe in reincarnation, associated with each soul. And then every life of every soul does merit a transaction table itself with a transaction record for every action of every single day of the entire life. And since this should not be just limited to the seven billion living human beings which is only a decimal percentage of the total number of animals in the known world, if we extend it for every animal, how does it sound for the total size? And what if life really exists beyond our beloved earth? What about processing this data – batches and triggers and indexing? What about database back-up lest it crashes?

No wonder God is a busy person. And now I know why He does not have time to respond to our prayers!